Spring Cleaning

did some spring cleaning...
one cupboard,and two drawers
i just realised today that i have not touched the drawers since...2006?0_o
3years!haha,even my freaking secondary school pamphlets were still rotting in there!lol

not finished yet,haha.
i think i shall leave most of it to tomorrow:P
i really have so much junk,ugh...

ooh,before i show you some pictures i had some random dreams 0_o
i dreamed a few nights ago we had an old Eb Clarinet(not the alto one,the small one that in comparison to the Bb Clarinet,is like the piccolo to the flute) and we took it out to mess around with it
and i was trying it out
it was harder to blow,but i could play.
and the lower Eb on it sounded the same as the tuning note C on the Bb clarinet?hmm...
then i had another dream and in it someone let me sleep on them o_0 totally random person.
okay,never mind.

emptied drawers
and my cat's kepoh ass for all to see :x

my barang-barang

my drawer's pre-cleaning state:P


oooh,i found this NDP'05 booklet(my p5 NDP)
omgomg,DISPLAY BANNNDSSS xD (i think this is deyi or pingyi)
only time i saw that kind of thing for NDP:D
hehe,i think military bands were my first inspiration for joining the band;the happening songs, the uniform, the pride they play with, the butt-shaking, formations...lol everything!

my lovely plasticine art work!(Theme:your favourite local dish)
in case you haven't guessed,it's Nasi Lemak(with the peanuts and ikan bilis hiding underneath the rice)!heehee..and they gave me a B!grr,can you imagine?!such a delicious-looking miniature and i didn't get an A:P



hmm,i have the stupid note Doris was going to give MrsChai but in the end never, but i won't show it.i think she would hunt me down and burn the paper if she finds out =X i will still keep it though,just to laugh at it when i can:)

i always hated spring cleaning.
it's such a chore,and i always find weird gunk rotting/rusting in my drawer TT (e.g., that rotting plate of yummy nasi lemak above.)
but there's always the feeling of accomplishment after
and a flood of recollected memories
pleasant memories,memories we want to keep in the past and forgotten,memories to be proud of,funny memories...

which just reminds me of who i was
before secondary school
before all the pessimism and broodiness started to surface and cloud over
a smarter girl with ambition,stretching out(not hoping) for the best
a girl who had more self-confidence and didn't give up
and believed in herself=/

before her hopes came crashing down that is
and felt like it was the very bottom :P
and then furthermore,she let that blind her with negativity and doubt
and spite her predicament and get jealous of others leading more desirable lives,filling with wishful thinking and discontent but not picking herself up.
loser.

i've come to realise that i have been so immature and stubborn all this while:(
letting things of the past to hold me back,for a long time
i realise,i need to move on and stop having remorseful thoughts
i don't even know what genuine happiness feels like anymore
although i might never come to accept all the disappointments i've come to terms with these past years,
or ever forgive those whose actions have landed me into my predicament
nor forget
but it is still no reason to be blind with self pity and doubt the future
it is too late now

they say that it is not about how you fall,but how you rise after.
and i've been doing a horrible job at it:(

i must move forward
stop taking in and accepting failures
do my best even though i feel so cold about the present and past

this shall be my last post for now
and leave this sad website to rot
i have revealed ALOT about myself TT
and i don't like it
i shall be blogging somewhere else i can write and think better
as i've said,don't go finding for me,i don't want your company
(sucker)
nights.
someday this dream will end.i will forget it.