hohoho.
i found Uncyclopedia,the "content-free encyclopedia".
very fun(:
read the instruments section
super funny la
and crap
i like the "Tuba Commandments"
and the "140 things to do with a xylophone"
here is some clarinet snippets:P
lol,very mean,but any clarinettists reading,dun take to the heart:D

Never forget, the CLARINET is a noobie instrument for people who don't want to take the time to learn a REAL fuckin' instrument! SHAME ON YOU! There are ALWAYS a thousand CLARINETS! The Clarinet is known by many to be a tasteeee snack for your dog. Recently, it has also been used by the U.S. military as a lethal dual-purpose weapon. Some jeopardy contestants may also refer to the clarinet as a "large brass instrument" or "tuba". It is known by some (and denied by many) that the clarinet is the manliest of all musical instruments.

Clar-a-nut
Clarinet players are sometimes called clarinetists, but that is a mistake. The correct term is clarinoodle. Clarinoodles can easily be identified by their lack of a life.

History
The Clarinet was created during World War II by an unknown German soldier that wanted to celebrate Germany's victory over Russia by playing on his recorder. When he finally realized that he had never had a recorder, he decided to make one out of his shotgun. He modified his shotgun so that blowing into the muzzle would create a nice sound. He also added several buttons that could be pressed down to change the note being played. He had created the first clarinet. Unfortunately, he forgot that he still had a bullet left in the shotgun, and when he played the first note, a middle C of perfect pitch, blew his head off.
At that point, another fellow soldier, Amadeus, walked into the room upon hearing such a perfect sound. Amongst the splattered brains, he found the modified shotgun. He then took it, and deserted the army with it. He fled to the New World, where music was not discovered yet. There he taught the primitive natives all about music, and along with the natives started to chop down all of their rainforests to mass produce more clarinets.
Right now, it is one of the instruments played most widely in US, along with drums and bongos. It is one of the causes trees are cut down so rapidly, due to the fact clarinets made from woods sound so freakin' good (better than the plastic ones... they sound like recorder ver. upgraded). Even John Williams wrote a Clarinet Concerto, taking a break from his busy schedule of composing music. JOHN WILLIAMS CLARINET CONCERTO

diao:P

[added on]
the bassoon part is also fun to read

Instrumental Family

The Bassoon is the most well-known member (if one can call it well-known when nobody recognizes what you're carrying and asks if its a tuba or an oboe or something stupid like that), however there are many other related instruments, similar in 'sound' but varying in pitch.

dessertspoon in Fb
Babboon in D
Tenoroon in Eb
Sopranooon in Db
Altooon in Bb, Ab, G, F#, H, C#, Db, E and G#
Sopraninooon in E
Baritoneoon in H
Buffoon in C
Contrabassoon
Subcontrabassoon
Irancontrabassooon
manpoon
Infracontrabassoon (with waffle cone or chocolate fudge)
Farting Bedpost
Octo-sub-contra-whopper-bass-soon (sounding an octave lower than a black hole)
Oooooooooooooooooooon (no audible sound, but drives household pests crazy)
Octoroon (known in Germanic countries as the Lenahorn)
Harpoon (a harp played backwards with the toes, leaving the hands free to finger a bassoon concealed in the pillar)
An electronic variant of the bassoon is known as the bossanova.


Fun Facts

Bassoonists often die young because of the pressure they expose their brain to while playing.
Also, a Bassoon is incredibly dangerous and has killed by impalation through the player's neck.
Bassoonists form very tight social bonds with other bassoonists because they are far to exclusive to mingle with other instruments.
Bassooners have to work hard not to burp while playing. A bassoonists burp is one of the most destructive things in band (outside of a tuba fart).
Darth Vader was a bassoonist; the Force is strong in this instrument.
Despite the bassoons odd sound and look, it is exactly 13.87 times better than the oboe and a total of 13.359,34 times better than the viola.
Bassoonists commonly crow their reed during band to annoy the other instruments. Why the crowing noise is annoying to the other instruments bassoonists have yet to figure out, though studies have shown the other band members dislike is centered around the fact that they aren't themselves bassoonists.
The bassoon has actively been used as a rocket-launcher in hard times.
The main reason Bassoons kill is for the hell of it, besides, those saxophones had it coming.
Rabbits have been known to play these instruments, causing for the humans around them to faint of the horrible sounds.
Nobody likes them. The noise they produce is equal to the brown note. For your lifespan. (This note added by jealous trumpetters, what losers.)
Tennis balls can be launched out of the bell with a low Bb, causing an interesting distraction as they bounce off of the director's head.